It happened. I'm going to remember, it finally happened on a Tuesday morning.
My grandma can barely breathe now. She has been fighting with all kinds of sickness that comes with age, and recently she started getting weaker and weaker every week. I never believed, never wanted to believe that my one and only caring grandma is getting sick, is not able to live the life as she used. Never did I want to realize that she might be gone, sooner or later.
When I woke up on Tuesday morning, she couldn't breathe well any more. My mom took her to hospital, where they took some water out of her lungs, and hooked her on a device to help her breathe. She has devices strapped to her, helping her do the fundamental acts of a living human with ease, not having to put all her energy to breathe in or breathe out. When I was told about this, that moment I knew that my all powerful granny is powerless now. That moment I realized that she might leave us soon, way sooner than I always thought it might happen.
I can look at the past, and be happy for all the times I've shown her how much I loved her. For all the days that I payed her a visit on the way going home from school. For all the times I had a small change in my pocket as a kid, and I bought her some bread, so she can have dinner with some freshly baked bread. For all the days in the past months, leading to this hellish Tuesday, that I've been visiting her, although her ears barely heard any thing I said, although I had to shout every freaking single word.
I loved her, before it was late. And I'd be happy, with all I have done, for the rest of my life. I'd never look back, saying "Well, I should have shown my grandma more love."
But I sure as hell would be sorry for my uncles, for my cousins. For all of them. Over the past years, over the past 23 years, I've been the only grand child around. I've been the only grand child who actually gave her enough attention, after all she has done for all of us as children. Make no mistake, all of them are here in Tehran, and a lot of them live close by. My mom has been the only legitimate child for her over the course of past 5 years, and although two of her brothers are living in the same town, and one leaves in the same neighborhood, my mom has been the only child who has been caring for her mom.
So this is to you, my dear cousins and my dearest uncles. YOU SUCK! You didn't deserve a bit of the respect I've shown all of you as the youngest person in the family over the past years. You've left this poor old woman, your mom, your grandma, and when it finally happens, all of you would come around, wearing black, saying that you're sorry. But all the time she was alive and awake, did you ever think about her? Did you ever think to take an hour off your precious days and pay her a visit? Take a penny of your precious pockets and buy her a flower?
Non of you, and I mean non of you ever knew how to love, and none of you have ever deserved the smallest amount of love I've given you. Non of you deserved to call me your nephew, or to call me your cousin.
I hope, I just hope, that when all is said and done, I still have the strength to not punch any of you right in the face, asking you out loud in front of every one, that what on earth did you do for this person, for this person that you are crying for in her funeral.
I hope you all rot in your dumb ways of life, in this loveless, crappy life of yours.
And I hope, and I pray to God if any is out there, that I never go down the route of this loveless life of yours.
