361 - Early Morning Rituals

You wake up in the morning to the smell of freshly brewed coffee, turn around to the sound of her steps before you open up your eyes, just to catch her shiny smile, first thing in the morning. Then you just realize she is wearing the shirt you were wearing the night before when you both got home. The smile on your face brightens. She come closer, mornin' she says, while leaning in to kiss you, tasting all the dreams you had the night before.

360 - When We're Gettin' Done

We are not here to last, since that's physically impossible.

But we can make something that lasts, for ages to come.

So, we are here to make something that lasts for ages.

I believe in that, and for that I try, I sweat, and I wipe them tears off, till I get it done.

Put it words in the song by Sick Puppies.

Define your meanin' of fun

To me it's when we're gettin' doneI feel the heat comin' off of the blacktopSo get ready for another one

Enjoy some crazy music.

359 - Sucking

You know, sometimes I feel like "I suck balls".

I mean, in the sense that I'm not even good to suck any dick out there, and all I can do is sucking balls.

358 - You've Gone Away [ Soon, to be! ]

I can't recall how many times I left you alone with this city. I can sit and count, but my mind just does not work that well right now.

But out of all the times I left you with this town alone, when I was gone for a semester, or when I was gone for a work period in Genapsys, I can sure recall how each time you looked forward to me coming back.

Now you are leaving. You are just leaving the town, and I'm not sure if you'll ever come back.

I can not stop you. I will not stop you.

Just please remember, if there was ever a storm around, and you were scared, I'm always going to answer your calls and calm you down.

[ Not my typical blog post. Heartache going on. Best I can do ]

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I want to hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, and I know it serves me well
I want to hold you high and steal your pain

[ Seether , Amy Lee - Broken ]

۳۵۷ - ورق

آره
راست می‌گی..
شاید یکی باشه که من خیلی دوست‌ش داشته باشم و هیچ وقت نفهمه.
آره لعنتی سبزه‌رو.
شاید تو باشی که من خیلی دوستت دارم، شاید تو باشی که من با خنده‌هات دیوانه‌وار فریاد می‌کشم، شاید تو باشی که وقتی حرف‌های منطقی می‌زنی دلم قنج بره و وقتی پای چت میگی «بغل» من خل شم.
و شاید، فقط شاید، تو هیچ وقت نفهمی که چقدر دوستت دارم احمق.

356 - I hope ...

It happened. I'm going to remember, it finally happened on a Tuesday morning.

My grandma can barely breathe now. She has been fighting with all kinds of sickness that comes with age, and recently she started getting weaker and weaker every week. I never believed, never wanted to believe that my one and only caring grandma is getting sick, is not able to live the life as she used. Never did I want to realize that she might be gone, sooner or later.

When I woke up on Tuesday morning, she couldn't breathe well any more. My mom took her to hospital, where they took some water out of her lungs, and hooked her on a device to help her breathe. She has devices strapped to her, helping her do the fundamental acts of a living human with ease, not having to put all her energy to breathe in or breathe out. When I was told about this, that moment I knew that my all powerful granny is powerless now. That moment I realized that she might leave us soon, way sooner than I always thought it might happen.

I can look at the past, and be happy for all the times I've shown her how much I loved her. For all the days that I payed her a visit on the way going home from school. For all the times I had a small change in my pocket as a kid, and I bought her some bread, so she can have dinner with some freshly baked bread. For all the days in the past months, leading to this hellish Tuesday, that I've been visiting her, although her ears barely heard any thing I said, although I had to shout every freaking single word.

I loved her, before it was late. And I'd be happy, with all I have done, for the rest of my life. I'd never look back, saying "Well, I should have shown my grandma more love."

But I sure as hell would be sorry for my uncles, for my cousins. For all of them. Over the past years, over the past 23 years, I've been the only grand child around. I've been the only grand child who actually gave her enough attention, after all she has done for all of us as children. Make no mistake, all of them are here in Tehran, and a lot of them live close by. My mom has been the only legitimate child for her over the course of past 5 years, and although two of her brothers are living in the same town, and one leaves in the same neighborhood, my mom has been the only child who has been caring for her mom.

So this is to you, my dear cousins and my dearest uncles. YOU SUCK! You didn't deserve a bit of the respect I've shown all of you as the youngest person in the family over the past years. You've left this poor old woman, your mom, your grandma, and when it finally happens, all of you would come around, wearing black, saying that you're sorry. But all the time she was alive and awake, did you ever think about her? Did you ever think to take an hour off your precious days and pay her a visit? Take a penny of your precious pockets and buy her a flower?

Non of you, and I mean non of you ever knew how to love, and none of you have ever deserved the smallest amount of love I've given you. Non of you deserved to call me your nephew, or to call me your cousin.

I hope, I just hope, that when all is said and done, I still have the strength to not punch any of you right in the face, asking you out loud in front of every one, that what on earth did you do for this person, for this person that you are crying for in her funeral.

I hope you all rot in your dumb ways of life, in this loveless, crappy life of yours.

And I hope, and I pray to God if any is out there, that I never go down the route of this loveless life of yours.

355 - Transition/Back

Is it destiny, is it accident? Do we even care?

I know I don't. All I care about these days is simple. I wake up, and the very first thing I feel is motivation. We all did awesome until now, and we are going to be more and more awesome as days pass. We have one direction, upwards. Upwards is all I care about right now.

It's all I should have ever cared about. But sometimes, just sometimes, I forgot what is important and what is not. But now, I'm all focused. All back on track. Don't you love it when this happens? I do.

I'm not planning to see what happened to me, why was I losing motivation. But I know right now, I'm all back on track, all planning to go Upwards, and not anywhere else.

So, this goes to all my awesome friends/colleagues here in Chaapaarak.

Thank you, for all the life you've put back in me.