366 - 30

 ( Context : What I wrote for turning 20 can be viewed here )

So, I turned 30 today, and I look as young as I looked back when I was 22 [Nice!] It's been ten years and half a day since I wrote about turning 20 on this blog. This decade of mine was the heaviest so far. I've returned home, had a couple of nasty arguments with friends and a couple of love arrangements and breakups ( yeah some of those were nasty too. ) Lost a couple of family member, as well you know how people just straight up die, and lost a couple of friends to this weakness of humans too.

I've failed in a couple of professional edavours, succeeded in a couple as well. I managed to run a small company to the ground with help of two other friends, and I managed to run a small company with a couple of friends and make it big through the years.

I had two main agendas for the past ten years, and I think I have achieved both in the 90% score division.

1. To expect less of others, and in the final form to have zero expections from others and always be ready for being let down.
2. To ignore peoples small mistakes and to make sure others small mistakes won't stop me from being nice to them

Yeah, the first agenda made me lean less on others which kinda sucks, and the second one made me rather vulnerable at some points, but so is life and so it goes on.

To put it all in retrospect, I made some critical mistakes but they all played out for the best, so I really did enjoy my 20s.

Here is to a decade filled with laughter and joy that passed, and to one filled with more laughter and joy that is to come.

Cheers

365 - Far from Anything Good

.... is what this life is.

Yet we eat, sleep, work and commute to reach some made up, idiotic and shallow goals of ours.

We rush to our destinations like arriving a minute late is just gonna shake the earth to its core. We follow targets and meet OKRs like it matters in the grand scheme of things. We talk to people like our lifes change theirs and like theirs changes ours.

۳۶۴ - اوقات خوش آن بود

 با گروهی جمع بودیم و می بود و نشاط می‌رفت و همه خندان بودیم. صحبت از دوستان و زیبارویان و رفقای قدیم و جدید و گذشته و آینده بود و نام‌هایی از پسران به دور می‌گشت. صحبت از بزرگواری شد که چه خوش‌تیپ بوده و آفرین و اینها، و افسوس بسیار خوردیم از اینکه شکم «عرق‌خوری» تیپ و ظاهر زیبای ایشون رو بهم زده. یاد دورانی شباب کردم و خوشحالی‌هاش و چند بیتی که برای من نوشته بود پیش از عزیمت به غربت.

مقام امن و می بی‌غش و رفیق شفیق / گرت مدام میسر شود زهی توفیق

دریغ و درد که تا این زمان ندانستم / که کیمیای سعادت رفیق بود رفیق

363 - Why [ In the Blue Hell ]? Why?

 It's been nearly a year since I last wrote here. I mean, if I was writing this a week later, it was a day over a year since I wrote 362.

This has been how the past 4 years have gone on. I've become ever more closed to sharing with people, and more and more open to opening up discussions around bullshit, just so that my mind keeps at ease, knowing I'm "talking" to people.

It's not like I don't care for people, which I fucking do. It's that I just don't get tangible results of so many people caring about me, I've started giving up on people. Yes, there were countably many people who helped through the way, some more and some less, and if you are reading this first handed, you are one of the countably many [ while one of you definitely does not read this first handed ], but I've came to terms with the fact that I should not be having expectations from people around me.

Truth be told, I've been through shit for the entirety of 2021, and I've been helped by so many dear to me, and that was just so and that is past now.

I should work on opening up a little bit more, letting people know a bit more of valuable stuff about me, and hope for the best.

P.S : I know this probably has errors, but I just didn't give a rats ass.

362 - And then, there was one

It's been a while. I barely recall the last time I opened this page to write about something. I barely even recall half of the people whom I know used to read this blog.

I have changed through the past year, so has my goals, so has my circle of trust, and so has my thoughts.

I even changed the way I sleep at night, like literally, even the way my body poses while I sleep. That and the fact that my teeth grind against one another throughout the night. Last time I had that for this long, it was back when I was five. And then it got fixed, no one knows how. I had this coming and going for the rest of my life since then, but it was on the moments of stress, first timers, crap like that. But damn it has come to stay this time, and I don't recall a night through the past year which I didn't suffer from this, and I sure as hell don't recall a morning in the given time which I woke up without my jaw trying to keep away from my body, since it aches so bad.

It's been a while, for some so many things, and some I don't even miss.

But this last one I miss. I miss having a fine night sleep without grinding the hell out of my jaws. I get good enough of a sleep at nights, and my mind is relaxed, and I'm happy and energetic in the morning all right. But "O Good Gracious Lord" does my lower jaw hurt in the morning? And I miss that. I miss not having a painful jaw in the morning.

361 - Early Morning Rituals

You wake up in the morning to the smell of freshly brewed coffee, turn around to the sound of her steps before you open up your eyes, just to catch her shiny smile, first thing in the morning. Then you just realize she is wearing the shirt you were wearing the night before when you both got home. The smile on your face brightens. She come closer, mornin' she says, while leaning in to kiss you, tasting all the dreams you had the night before.

360 - When We're Gettin' Done

We are not here to last, since that's physically impossible.

But we can make something that lasts, for ages to come.

So, we are here to make something that lasts for ages.

I believe in that, and for that I try, I sweat, and I wipe them tears off, till I get it done.

Put it words in the song by Sick Puppies.

Define your meanin' of fun

To me it's when we're gettin' doneI feel the heat comin' off of the blacktopSo get ready for another one

Enjoy some crazy music.